Nigerian relationships are beautifully infused with a long assorted list of customs and traditions.
While they might not be shouting love quotes to their partner, their love language is primarily reflected in their actions. Therefore, spotting quiet quitting in a Nigerian relationship becomes relatively prominent.
Before we can jump on the ways to spot quiet quitting in a relationship, let’s first talk about:
What Is Quiet Quitting?
Quiet quitting is a buzzword we all heard humming in the corporate field, but it has also recently been spotted making waves in personal relationships.
People have used this technique for ages to give their partner a reason to break up because of lost interest in the relationship but can’t bring themselves to tell their partners upfront.
In other words, it is a stage where the conversations between you and your partner begin to look like WhatsApp status updates: to the point, impersonal, and lacking in intimacy.
It feels as if only one person is doing the work, or you’re in a relationship to stay with minimum effort and involvement. The emotional attachment becomes shallow, and you lose the motivation to make things work. Instead, you begin to find ways to “work the rule,” nothing more.
What Are Nigerian Relationships Like?
Nigeria is going through rapid advancements, moving from traditional dating methods to online and casual dating to look for love.
Nowadays, where the young are more career-focused and social media active, their cultural values remain ingrained in the essence of relationships in Nigeria.
Couples take pride in taking care of each other. They might not say “I Love You,” but they show their love through their actions.
For Nigerians asking, “did you eat your dinner,” “how was your day,” or sharing pictures of each other on social media is a confession of love. Nigerian love is action-oriented and expressive.
Another thing that stands tall in Nigerian relationships is families. Even if they date for years, the relationship becomes official after a thorough formal family introduction. After that, dating turns into courtship.
In Nigerian relationships, haven’t people always been quite quitters?
Absolutely. Quite Quiting is a new name for an old occurrence. As long as there have been relationships in Nigeria, there has always been the option of quietly Quitting one.
Nigerians always reach a point where they know their relationship is over but are unsure how to communicate it.
Let’s contrast it with the idea of staying together for the children. People who have left their relationships and are living their own lives may feel obligated to remain.
Quite Quitting VS Ghosting?
In Nigeria, Contrary to ghosting, quiet quitting a relationship or quiet dumping is when a lover checks out without leaving.
In other words, when your spouse merely performs the bare minimum to be with you without ending the relationship, that is known as quiet quitting or quiet dumping.
Although they are entirely disinterested, they do not want to end the relationship themselves.
So, How Can You Spot Quiet Quitting In Nigerian Relationships?
John Mayer once said, “Love is a verb.” Therefore, a lack of action in a relationship directly points toward some disengagement.
Here are the five most prominent signs of quiet quitting in a relationship:
1. The conversation becomes monochromatic
Every relationship goes through plateaus and hurdles. However, in case of quiet quitting, sharing any details of the day also seems burdensome. If you ask them, they might answer, but if you leave it to them, they will most likely think of it as none of your business.
2. Awkward physical touch
One of the main things that tie a relationship together is physical touch. Going a few days without feeling your partner’s touch is common, especially if you are in an argument. But, if you can’t remember the last time your spouse touched you with love and care or you feel awkward with their touch, that sounds alarming.
3. Quality time starts to disappear
Relationships are all about making the most of the time you have together. Genuinely interested partners in love with one another go to great lengths to make time for one another. But, on the flip side, when your spouse doesn’t seem to care if “your time as a couple” gets consumed by something else, it is a sign of quiet quitting. It’s like they are relieved that you won’t be spending time together.
4. The distance becomes visible.
When you feel your partner drifting away even when sitting right next to you, they might be quitting quietly. So while there may be other reasons for your Nigerian partner being inattentive, it highlights disengagement, which can further lead to more serious relationship issues.
5. Avoiding your presence
We have already established that quiet quitters prefer to keep information private. Instead, they would go about their day rather than communicate with their partner that they are losing interest in the relationship. So, they will daydream or be in a mentally different space, avoid asking or answering questions, become distant, and won’t maintain proper eye contact with their partner.
Why Not Simply Break Up rather than Quit Quietly?
Every person in Nigeria has a different meaning of a relationship, and every relationship comes with its opportunities and constraints.
Sometimes partners in Nigeria choose to quit quietly rather than break up because they are tied up with constraints.
They want to leave, but the cost of leaving seems to be higher than what they estimated. It is similar to when people stay in their jobs, even when they hate them because they need it.
On the other hand, quiet quitting is also deemed as a prospect to check if the relationship can be ended. It is a subtle exit strategy to soften the blow and end things with emotional separation.
Alternatively, how people behave around specific relationships defines the person’s centrality and importance. For example, quiet quitting a relationship may not mean that the relationship is going to end, but it surely means that the relationship is not a priority.
Is There a Way To Prevent Quiet Quitting In a Relationship?
Yes, quiet quitting roots from disengagement. When we don’t get our needs met in a relationship or the outcomes are not as expected, it’s natural to feel wronged and wonder if we made the right choice.
However, all is not gone, and quiet quitting can be prevented or turned into a healthy relationship. Here’s what you can do:
- Appreciate your partner for being there and respond with gratitude when they do something nice for you.
- Return the gesture and find ways to meet your partner’s love language and relationship needs.
- Make your relationship a priority to grow in a positive, receptive, and affectionate space.
- Make time for difficult conversations because relationships are not all about unicorns and rainbows.
- Check-in with your partner if something doesn’t feel right.
- Create healthy boundaries, so your partner or you don’t suffer from relationship burnout.
Are you being perceptive or paranoid?
Occasionally for some Nigerians, it can be difficult to tell if you notice signals or make them up on your own. Also, Sometimes it’s difficult to distinguish between perceptiveness and paranoia.
Communicate to your spouse what you’ve observed and be specific if you sense a change in their commitment level.
Sometimes we believe that we can maintain peace if we ignore the subject and don’t name it. However, if you name it and there is a fight, you didn’t start the conflict; instead, you exposed the crack and prompted an open discussion about what is going on.
5 Ways to handle quiet quitting in Nigerian Relationships
Quiet quitting may sound distressing, but as with any challenge in a Nigerian relationship, it’s essential to keep your composure and make every effort to converse with your spouse.
Find below 5 ways to handle quiet quitting.
1. Work through your own emotions.
First and foremost, it’s essential to look into your emotions and how you feel about the relationship.
It may not work out if your spouse isn’t meeting your emotional needs or treating you with the respect you deserve.
If someone is ready to leave you hanging without letting you know how they feel, it’s probably not the right person for you.
2. Don’t wait for your spouse to bring it up.
If you are suspicious that your spouse wants to end the relationship but is frightened to say so, try bringing up the subject yourself.
Yes, it’s a difficult conversation, but if they want to end the relationship but aren’t voicing it, nothing will change on its own.
3. Find the Right Time to Talk about it
If you want to discuss it, avoid doing so while you’re both unhappy or irritated.
This is particularly crucial if your relationship has a history of disagreements.
Wait until everyone is composed before bringing up your thoughts.
4.When discussing, try Paying attention and being open-minded.
Understanding what is happening and why it is happening is the first step in solving any relationship issue.
If your spouse is quietly quitting, there might be other factors at work here, like family issues or financial strain. Before concluding, pay attention to what they have to say and ask the right questions.
5. In any case, try not to take anything personally.
Your spouse may be feeling anxious or stressed, and bringing up the possibility of splitting up might feel like a respite to them.
It is understandably difficult to accept that your lover no longer desires to be with you, and it is undoubtedly a blow to the ego. However, Try not to take it personally; instead, try paying close attention as they describe how their feelings have evolved over time.
Subconscious Quite Quitting
In some instances, Quite Quitting is entirely subconscious. The mind naturally begins to withdraw when you experience discomfort in a scenario.
When we are emotionally invested in anything, our brain is programmed to respond emotionally, and when we lose interest, we lose connection and begin to shut off.
Furthermore, some romantic partnerships may unavoidably come to a natural end due to changing feelings, life circumstances, or individual development.
In the beginning, you might not even realize that you’re quietly giving up on your spouse, but after some time, you might come to terms with the fact that you’ve been treating them poorly.
Stop and reflect on your behavior if you fear you are dumping your partner. The first thing to do is to take stock of your personal needs and identify what’s pulling the relationship apart.
If, after giving it some thought, you conclude that you’d want other things in life, it’s essential to have an open discussion about it with your spouse.
If a relationship is not working out, what is the healthiest approach to end it?
Quitting quietly may seem appealing since it is simpler than discussing ending a relationship, but it is not a wise course of action.
Avoid hurting them by blaming them and instead have a face-to-face discussion about why things aren’t working out.
It will upset the other person, but the closure will allow them to move on in a healthier and more friendly way.
Avoid arguing or getting into too much detail, and make a clean break. Don’t go back if you know it’s over in your heart. You will only harm them by making them believe there is hope, which is cruel.
Take Away
Nigerian relationships may be firmly based, but they ride with a big load of expectations.
This means there are high chances for a partner to indulge in quiet quitting and slowly fizzle out the relationship with an emotional divorce rather than raise their concerns and work things out.
It doesn’t mean that quiet quitting will lead to the end of the relationship.
Therefore, it is best to keep an effective communication channel in the relationship and work on establishing a relationship that meets the expectations and provides a strong base for mutual empowerment.
